BRYAN - I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW PROUD I AM TO BE YOUR MOM. I KNOW YOU DID NOT MEAN TO DO THIS. 

The song playing was Bryans favorite song when it came out.  Every morning when I called him to get up it would be playing on the radio.  He would yell - Mom listen to this song. He would have it blasting. Better Man by Clint Black. I got us tickets to see him when he was playing Martin, Tn. Believe it or not I still have my ticket stub. A copy of it is on page 2 of his photo album.

UPDATE

FEBRUARY 27, 2008 - WELL I GUESS MEMORY.COM HAS SEEN FIT TO DELETE THE SONG THAT WAS ON THIS SITE.  I CAN SEE WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE LEAVING HERE & STARTING SITES SOMEWHERE ELSE.

 

                                        I  guess you can see how much Bryan was loved when you read about him through his nieces eyes. I bought a croquet set in Sept. 04,  for his birthday party because he had been talking about how much fun we had when he was little & we  played croquet.He beat everyone.  We laughed & had so much fun. Then one month later he shots himself.   It breaks my heart to think he felt unloved when I was doing everything to show him how much he was loved.  Bryan wanted his family back.  He could not stand seeing what visitation was doing to his little girl.  She loved her daddy, but did not want to leave mommie.  He would call me crying. He said mom I'm not going to do that to my baby.  I was a mommas boy & I know how she feels.  I kept telling him God would get him through it, He did me after my 35 year marriage to his dad ended in divorce, but now that I think about it our situations were different.  My children were adults. (and even as adults it tore them up to see their parents divorced & the family divided).   They did not have to deal with visitation.    Bryan was my cheerleader the 3 years I went through getting my divorce. He would tell me to fight, fight, fight. Like Bethany, I guess I was stronger that he was.   HIS WORDS TO ME 6 MONTHS EARLIER  (when a friend committed suicide) - SUICIDE IS THE COWARDS WAY OUT.  The night he took his life he had been drinking.  He told his brother & sister-in-law he would not spend another night there alone.  He didn't.  Our family will never be the same. He not only killed himself , but  he killed a part of   us that we need to go on.  He took the joy from my life that I will never have again.  Bryan was not perfect, but no one is. So many of us were there for him, showing him how much we loved & cared but it just did not help.  He was loved more than anyone in the family.  Thats just the way he was. He had us wrapped around his little finger.  He could have been strong, but drinking made him weak. He would be alive today had he not drank so much that day.  It stripped him of all reasoning.  My heart breaks for our younger family members who adored him. His niece & nephew sleep w/his picture on their pillows.  He asked me one time when he saw his brothers grave how I stood it when my baby died & I told him I had to.  He love his xgirlfriends children so much.  They had lost a little brother & Bryan helped Derrick (age about 11) write a essay for school about the day his little brother died.  He called me & asked me to come hear him read it.  I did.  He had so much to live for.  A beautiful daughter who just knows dad has gone to play & be with her 2 dogs in heaven & won't be coming back.    I have added pic of his first car & the 71 truck he got after he totalled the 72. They show up on page 2 of photo album.  He had the pic. of 72 most of his graduation pic were taken with it, so when he left home I gave them to him. I miss him so.  He will always be my baby boy.  I took a shot a week to carry him. It took 2 pregnancys to get him here, so you can imagine how much he was wanted. I go to Wal Mart & see the tree we stood under & talked wishing he  would meet me there again.  I go into Wal Mart & remember the fun times he had with  Raelee &  especially when they  got the last jar of  her brand of  pickles & she thought that was so funny. I remember calling on the Sat.  when he had her & they would be having sausage & hominy for breakfast (yuh).   I can't look to the east toward his farm without seeing him standing in the door way watching me pull up the drive. Now I picture the horrible night he shot himself there.  Oh Bryan will it ever get easier? I remember getting you scented candles because you wanted your house to smell good.  I  keep seeing white trans ams & knowing how happy you were when I loaned you the money to buy yours (I gave Bub & Bill the Dale Earnhart seat covers I ordered for it)..  I cannot stand to look at camouflage because that was you.  I can't stand to hear the trucks that sound like yours. WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? I MISS YOU SO BRYAN.    I DO HOPE YOU ARE AT PEACE NOW.  WE COULD HAVE MADE IT TOGETHER. YOU WERE WONDERFUL AND I'LL GRIEVE FOR YOU TILL I TAKE MY LAST BREATH.Bryan survived a terrible truck wreck as a teenager & a copperhead snake bite shortley after he got married.  I still have 4 bags of green beans from your garden. I remember u had most of them picked when I got there.  We cannot eat them.  One bag is for me, one for Bill, one for Bub & one for Becky.  I guess that seems silly but that is the way we feel.  U planted them & picked them. They are a part of you.
Thanks to all his friends for the great times you gave him.  He did have some good years.  God Bless - Mary Ann